


The Meat Block

by thealphagate_archivist



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Humor, challenge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-03-24
Updated: 2006-03-24
Packaged: 2019-02-02 16:53:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12730551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thealphagate_archivist/pseuds/thealphagate_archivist
Summary: Friday Night Challenge #1 Charity Slave Auction; Dr. Daniel Jackson, linguist, archeologist, babe.





	The Meat Block

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the archivists: this story was originally archived at [The Alpha Gate](https://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Alpha_Gate), a Stargate SG-1 archive, which began migration to the AO3 in 2017 when its hosting software, eFiction, was no longer receiving support. To preserve the archive, we began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2017. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are this creator and it hasn't transferred to your AO3 account, please contact us using the e-mail address on [The Alpha Gate collection profile](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/thealphagate).

"This is really embarrassing Jack...I feel like an idiot! Please, can't you just say that I'm suffering from some strange alien virus? Death perhaps?"

"Daniel!" Jack chuckled as he clapped him on the shoulders and steered him towards the stage.

"I'm serious Jack! This is not one of Janet's brighter ideas!" Panic began to edge its way into Daniel's voice as he and Jack neared the impromptu stage set up at the far end of the SGC's mess hall. Turning abruptly to face his friend, Daniel grabbed Jack's arms in a death grip, making the Special Forces trainded officer wince. "How exactly did I get roped into doing this?" He demanded.

Shrugging out of Daniel's grip Jack sighed. "Needles, Daniel. Big honkin' needles with our names written all over them." Jack shuddered. "And Nurse Hoolihan."

Turning Daniel around once again to face the stage he said, "Come on Danny-me-lad, you're up next on the block."

"Yeahsureyoubetcha," murmured Daniel dejectedly as he climbed the stairs, "the meat block." Jack gave him a good, hearty shove just as the Stainless-steel-weilding, Napoleonic-power-monger, (otherwise known as Doctor Janet Fraiser,) announced the next lot.

"And now we have Lot # 13, Dr. Daniel Jackson; linguist, archeologist, anthropologist..." she grinned maliciously over her shoulder while petting a small silver box resting on the top shelf inside the announcer's poduim. Daniel felt the blood drain from his face. "And babe."

Immediately Daniel felt his face fluch but wisely didn't dispute either Janet or her hypodermic needle.

*Okay Daniel,* he mentally berated himself, *you've faced down numerous dangers in the field. Not least of which included many of the Goa'uld system lords. Hell, you've even faced down a roomful of your less than hospitable colleagues and peers. You can do this!*

Just then a horrible thought hit him. *What if no one bids on me?! That could possibly be the most mortifying thing to ever happen to me! I'd never live it down...oh gods, somebody buy me please!*

All the while Daniel was twisting himself up in his head the bidding war began with a bang. Major Samantha Carter grinned as she watched her 'little brother' and teammate self-consciously walk down the catwalk, then turn while flipping his leather jacket over his shoulder and walk back up the stage offering a perfect view of long, lean legs that lead to a very shapely denim-clad rear end. Sam was very proud of her contributions to tonight's Charity Slave Auction. The leather jacket had been a Christmas gift from Jack a few years back and the butter-soft jeans and sturdy leather hiking boots were remnants of Daniel's days as a graduate student. He had filled out nicely since then so the pants were just an insy-weensy bit tight...hngg. Top it all off with a pristine white shirt and a pair of contacts, and Daniel looked like...woof! Adonis!

The bidding soon narrowed down to three parties. Two of the new Tech girls from Sam's department were compiling their resources, as well as one of the more elderly ladies that worked with Daniel and one of the cooks. The last group was...oh no! A group of Janet's nurses. The night shift.

Daniel swallowed nervously as the bidding slowed at $2,750 and he tried to look past the "stage lights" into the audience to see who had made the last bid. There was a buzz of conversation as everyone excitedly discussed the large amount that was being bid for Dr. Jackson. Daniel felt his face flush with embarrassment at some of the audience members' speculations. "alright, I have$2,750..." Janet announced looking out over the crowd. "Going once, going twice... Sold! to the ladies at table eleven for $2,750! Come up to the table on my right and pay for your new slave."

Janet ushered Kaniel to the stairs and stage whispered to her nurses, "Don't work him to hard girls." She winked. "He has a mission on Monday and we need him in tip top shape." There was a chorus of snickers that sounded suspiciously like Ferrettii and his team from the table to the left in from of the stage. Janet fixed him with a glare. "Don't laugh Lou, you're almost up and I have some gutters that really need to be cleaned out." Ferretti's team laughed outright as their CO immediately fell silent.

Daniel glanced over nervously as his new "owners" paid General Hammond, who smiled sympathetically as he handed over the fake Bill of Sale. Daniel gave him a shaky smile at best, a painful grimace at worst.

Stepping down from the stage Daniel jumped when he felt a sharp pinch on his left buttock. He indignantly looked over to see who the culprit was. He was met by the feral grin of none other than the Terror herself, Nurse Hoolihan. All six feet and two inches of her. Even Teal'c was wary of this particular nurse.

Looking over at Jack in blind terror he railed against the injustice of it all. All it would have taken to get out of this was one sharp poke in the butt and it all would have been over! *Oh gods I hadn't foreseen this!* He thought as he took the last step down from what he was now certain had been his executioner's block.


End file.
